To Stabilize or to Not Stabilize, that is the question.
4/17/18
My therapist finally asked me if I have thought about mood stabilizers. I kind of knew the talk was going to happen, but it still felt a little, rough. And yeah, I have thought about mood stabilizers. I know they would help me in my every day life. If I could not freak out at every little mistake I make, and not have ridiculous, mean outbursts once a week, that would be fantastic. But having a history with drug addiction, I don't want to feel hooked on anything, and I know that mood stabilizers can make you very addicted. But right now I feel like it could help me in the short term. I want to take time to actually think about it without jumping the gun, like I always do.
5/01/18
Well, I've had a really good couple of weeks and have kept really calm. I feel like if I could just learn how to control my emotions and just realize that things aren't as bad as they seem, I might not need any medication. I haven't had any outbursts and even when I mess up at work, I just brush it off and haven't been letting it bother me as badly as normal. I'm feeling pretty happy overall. Yay!
5/14/18
Yikes, the past week has been a giant whirlwind of emotions. Work has been getting more difficult for me, it always does. I have a couple super great weeks and love working and can't imagine having any other job, and then I have a couple really emotionally awful weeks. And not that anything particularly bad has happened, just how it always goes. Weeks like these are when I wish I had something to help control my emotions more, because I know nothing at work has really changed, it's just my mind telling me that they all hate me and don't want to work with me. So yeah, this week, mood stabilizers seem very appealing. But then I ask, "Well, do I need them just because I'm having a bad week? Everyone has the occasional bad weeks, but it doesn't mean they need medicine to deal with it." So, it's still a toss up. I just don't want to make any drastic decisions.
I guarantee by next week, things will be going great again. And then after that it will be really bad again, I probably won't want to talk to anyone, and will cry about 6 times in a week...Tis life. Not having to prepare for a mentally rough week all the time and not having the instability that comes along with it would be great. I'm just so scared of the unknown, will I be a zombie? Will I have suicidal thoughts like a lot of antidepressants bring along? Will I get hooked on them? How much will I change? Will I even change at all? All of these thoughts make it very difficult to take the leap. It could affect my life in a positive way, or it could end really badly. Am I willing to take that chance? Being as self-aware as I am, I feel like I would be able to tell whether they affect me in a positive or negative way quite quickly. Gah, this is so hard. What will it hurt to talk to a doctor and find out my options?
To be continued...
My therapist finally asked me if I have thought about mood stabilizers. I kind of knew the talk was going to happen, but it still felt a little, rough. And yeah, I have thought about mood stabilizers. I know they would help me in my every day life. If I could not freak out at every little mistake I make, and not have ridiculous, mean outbursts once a week, that would be fantastic. But having a history with drug addiction, I don't want to feel hooked on anything, and I know that mood stabilizers can make you very addicted. But right now I feel like it could help me in the short term. I want to take time to actually think about it without jumping the gun, like I always do.
5/01/18
Well, I've had a really good couple of weeks and have kept really calm. I feel like if I could just learn how to control my emotions and just realize that things aren't as bad as they seem, I might not need any medication. I haven't had any outbursts and even when I mess up at work, I just brush it off and haven't been letting it bother me as badly as normal. I'm feeling pretty happy overall. Yay!
5/14/18
Yikes, the past week has been a giant whirlwind of emotions. Work has been getting more difficult for me, it always does. I have a couple super great weeks and love working and can't imagine having any other job, and then I have a couple really emotionally awful weeks. And not that anything particularly bad has happened, just how it always goes. Weeks like these are when I wish I had something to help control my emotions more, because I know nothing at work has really changed, it's just my mind telling me that they all hate me and don't want to work with me. So yeah, this week, mood stabilizers seem very appealing. But then I ask, "Well, do I need them just because I'm having a bad week? Everyone has the occasional bad weeks, but it doesn't mean they need medicine to deal with it." So, it's still a toss up. I just don't want to make any drastic decisions.
I guarantee by next week, things will be going great again. And then after that it will be really bad again, I probably won't want to talk to anyone, and will cry about 6 times in a week...Tis life. Not having to prepare for a mentally rough week all the time and not having the instability that comes along with it would be great. I'm just so scared of the unknown, will I be a zombie? Will I have suicidal thoughts like a lot of antidepressants bring along? Will I get hooked on them? How much will I change? Will I even change at all? All of these thoughts make it very difficult to take the leap. It could affect my life in a positive way, or it could end really badly. Am I willing to take that chance? Being as self-aware as I am, I feel like I would be able to tell whether they affect me in a positive or negative way quite quickly. Gah, this is so hard. What will it hurt to talk to a doctor and find out my options?
To be continued...
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