Why Oregon (This Time)?
In my hometown way up in northern Michigan, in a town nobody has ever heard of, a lot of girls are pregnant before they're married, many of them are pregnant before they turn 21. It seems to just, happen. People get bored in a small town, you can only drive on the same roads so many times, and have so many bonfires before you want to start experimenting. Honestly though, most of those mom's in that little hometown of mine turn out to be great parents, a lot of them stay with the dad for years and that's just life. Have kids and marry their high school sweetheart and stay in that same comforting place. I'm happy for them if they're happy. Sometimes I wish I could've just stayed in my little hometown with my little girl and got married and lived in a cutesy little farmhouse and had her go to the same K-12 school that I went to, with the same teachers that taught me. But I couldn't get myself to stay. I wanted something different for her. I wanted my daughter to grow up experiencing things and being around different kinds of people.
You know how all Hallmark Holiday movies are based in a perfect small town? Everything that you can imagine about that little place is exactly how my hometown is, which is overall great to live in. Basically everyone knows each other, and if you don't know each other personally, you know of them. If you're going grocery shopping, you don't go to a big chain store (unless you're driving 45 minutes), you go to the little mom and pop store down the street. But once you leave home and experience other things, it's hard going back and feeling the same way as before. The school I went to consisted of about 98% white students...and we had maybe 500 students from kindergarten through 12th grade. So that's 10/500 students being a race other than white. Not necessarily a bad thing, it happens in small towns a lot, but you don't realize there are so many more things to learn if you just step outside of your box. At least mine did. The point of all this rambling on is that I didn't want my daughter to be raised in a generally inexperienced, simple town. I wanted her to be walking down the street when she's older and see someone who's African American or Asian, gay, or trans and not think they're weird or different. I want my daughter to be tolerable and give everyone a chance until they prove otherwise.
But being able to give her that life has come with some difficult choices.
My family lives in Michigan, but Kinsley's dad and his family live in Oregon. If I were to leave my family, it would be to be near his family. I've never felt more unsure of anything before. I knew I didn't want to stay in my mom's house forever (as much as I enjoyed her cooking), but where was the right place to live? If I moved to Oregon, why did Kinsley's dad and his family deserve to be with Kinsley but my family didn't? Why was it assumed that I be the one to move across the country so HE could see her? It made me so bitter towards him to know that I would have to leave my family and reward him. After all, my mom and my sister were the ones there for me through the horrible pregnancy hormones, those difficult nights with a newborn, and to help watch her when I worked. They should be able to see her whenever they wanted to. But Oregon did offer the lifestyle that I wanted to raise her in, different cultures, more opportunities. You know that song by The Clash, "Should I stay or should I go, If I go there will be trouble, but if I stay there will be double"? Yeah. I was changing my mind almost every day for months. So many nights laying awake with a racing heart wondering if I chose the right answer, then it would make me change my mind fifteen times before the night was over.
When September finally came along, I had to make a decision. We had a one-way plane ticket to Eugene, it was either to visit or to stay, depending how it felt when we were there. I was so nervous to board that plane with my nine month old daughter without the help of my mom, or really anyone. I wanted to run off the plane or at least talk the pilot into dropping us off in Hawaii instead. I can't even explain the feeling that rushed over me when I landed in Oregon. It was the same feeling I had when I flew to Oregon for the very first time. And instantly I knew, Eugene was the place I needed to be. The place my daughter needed to be raised in.
I have always been one to follow intuition and this decision wasn't different. I could feel it, just that place of belonging. All the months of stress and worry leading up to this felt wasted. But all of that stress and worry was because I wanted to make the right decision for my daughter.. It's crazy how quickly my decision to stay in Oregon was made, all based on a feeling that I couldn't explain.
Everyone I talk to asks why I chose to live in Oregon, so far away from my family. It's amazing here. The people are amazing. The lifestyle, the size of Eugene, just everything. My daughter is going to grow up experiencing SO much more than I ever did as a kid. She'll be able to do any sport she wants to do, or join any club, and jus do interesting things. I'm thankful to have had the childhood I did, and grow up in that tiny Northern Michigan town nobody has ever heard of. But, I'm thankful to be able to give my daughter the life here. She'll be open-minded, know it's okay to be different, and accept everyone how they are and maybe want to really experience life before having to settle down. As for me, I'm already a better person than I ever was, and I'm excited to see what else Oregon will show me.
So, that's why I chose Oregon.
This time around anyway.
You know how all Hallmark Holiday movies are based in a perfect small town? Everything that you can imagine about that little place is exactly how my hometown is, which is overall great to live in. Basically everyone knows each other, and if you don't know each other personally, you know of them. If you're going grocery shopping, you don't go to a big chain store (unless you're driving 45 minutes), you go to the little mom and pop store down the street. But once you leave home and experience other things, it's hard going back and feeling the same way as before. The school I went to consisted of about 98% white students...and we had maybe 500 students from kindergarten through 12th grade. So that's 10/500 students being a race other than white. Not necessarily a bad thing, it happens in small towns a lot, but you don't realize there are so many more things to learn if you just step outside of your box. At least mine did. The point of all this rambling on is that I didn't want my daughter to be raised in a generally inexperienced, simple town. I wanted her to be walking down the street when she's older and see someone who's African American or Asian, gay, or trans and not think they're weird or different. I want my daughter to be tolerable and give everyone a chance until they prove otherwise.
But being able to give her that life has come with some difficult choices.
My family lives in Michigan, but Kinsley's dad and his family live in Oregon. If I were to leave my family, it would be to be near his family. I've never felt more unsure of anything before. I knew I didn't want to stay in my mom's house forever (as much as I enjoyed her cooking), but where was the right place to live? If I moved to Oregon, why did Kinsley's dad and his family deserve to be with Kinsley but my family didn't? Why was it assumed that I be the one to move across the country so HE could see her? It made me so bitter towards him to know that I would have to leave my family and reward him. After all, my mom and my sister were the ones there for me through the horrible pregnancy hormones, those difficult nights with a newborn, and to help watch her when I worked. They should be able to see her whenever they wanted to. But Oregon did offer the lifestyle that I wanted to raise her in, different cultures, more opportunities. You know that song by The Clash, "Should I stay or should I go, If I go there will be trouble, but if I stay there will be double"? Yeah. I was changing my mind almost every day for months. So many nights laying awake with a racing heart wondering if I chose the right answer, then it would make me change my mind fifteen times before the night was over.
When September finally came along, I had to make a decision. We had a one-way plane ticket to Eugene, it was either to visit or to stay, depending how it felt when we were there. I was so nervous to board that plane with my nine month old daughter without the help of my mom, or really anyone. I wanted to run off the plane or at least talk the pilot into dropping us off in Hawaii instead. I can't even explain the feeling that rushed over me when I landed in Oregon. It was the same feeling I had when I flew to Oregon for the very first time. And instantly I knew, Eugene was the place I needed to be. The place my daughter needed to be raised in.
I have always been one to follow intuition and this decision wasn't different. I could feel it, just that place of belonging. All the months of stress and worry leading up to this felt wasted. But all of that stress and worry was because I wanted to make the right decision for my daughter.. It's crazy how quickly my decision to stay in Oregon was made, all based on a feeling that I couldn't explain.
Everyone I talk to asks why I chose to live in Oregon, so far away from my family. It's amazing here. The people are amazing. The lifestyle, the size of Eugene, just everything. My daughter is going to grow up experiencing SO much more than I ever did as a kid. She'll be able to do any sport she wants to do, or join any club, and jus do interesting things. I'm thankful to have had the childhood I did, and grow up in that tiny Northern Michigan town nobody has ever heard of. But, I'm thankful to be able to give my daughter the life here. She'll be open-minded, know it's okay to be different, and accept everyone how they are and maybe want to really experience life before having to settle down. As for me, I'm already a better person than I ever was, and I'm excited to see what else Oregon will show me.
So, that's why I chose Oregon.
This time around anyway.
Good decision.
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